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The Possibility of Newness

I’ve never been one for New Year's resolutions, but I do get seduced by the promise of a fresh start. A new year, a new week. A new journal. A new box of crayons (it has been a while, but I still remember the joys of a crisp new crayon). You name it. I love the possibility of newness. 

But as I get older and, ahem, wiser, I see that I used to equate newness with an opportunity to change for the ‘better.’ A chance to be more productive. More successful. Healthier. Which meant that the way I was doing things BEFORE this chance at a ‘New Year, New You,' was somehow broken or not good enough.

(Thanks for that, capitalism)

I met the newness with determination and rigor and with big plans and expectations. 

Then inevitably, my excitement would be dampened by life, habit, and rain, and I would settle back into what was familiar. But because I had jumped into the newness with hopes of bettering myself, failing to commit to my goals brought up a lot of judgment. And shame.

Until recently, I don’t think I was fully aware that this judgment was happening. It didn’t feel great, but it was so automatic.

This year, I greeted the new year much more gently. With way less expectations and judgment.

I’m allowing myself to be held by the slow and quiet of the season. I’m allowing the darkness that creeps into my mornings and afternoons. I’m settling into the coziest spaces. I’m spending more time reading in front our the fireplace, carving out space to stretch and massage my muscles, journaling in the mornings before the sun rises. All while drinking endless amounts of herbal tea. 

I’m intentionally entering this new year as I ended December. With reflection, quiet, and purpose. I still have goals and big plans, but they are more about who I am BEING than what I am doing. I’m allowing more space to explore.

I did a lot of reflecting on my priorities over the past 12 months. And I noticed that the way I spend the majority of my time doesn’t reflect my values or the rhythm of life I’m drawn to. So I wrote a list from the prompt What I am drawn to…

Spoiler alert: I prioritized very few of these in the last few years.

seasonal ebbs and flows
deeply sourced power
intuitive design
putting pen to paper
generative conversations & collaborations
fluid movement
focused creative exploration
long walks 
time in and around water
breaking bread with others
working with color and texture

This year, I’m prioritizing more of what I’m drawn to. I’m allowing more space.

What about you? What are you drawn to? And what are ways you can bring more of these qualities and things into your daily life? 

xo, Beth

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