When I started writing this, my partner Lex and I had just returned from a wedding in Baja. The ceremony for two dear friends, whom we consider family, was intimate and beautiful. Despite the temperatures hanging out in the 90s with humidity nearly as high, connecting and reconnecting with loved ones in such a tranquil place was a perfect way to send off summer before settling into Fall.
Which, by the time I share this with you all, will be here. Happy Autumn Equinox!
Slowing Down
I wouldn’t really recommend heading down to Mexico in late August or early September—it’s hot and humid as hell. But stepping away from my routine in Seattle and settling into a grounded, simpler rhythm for a few days created some much-needed space for reflection.
For several days, I slowed my pace (it’s hard to move fast in that kind of heat), watched the sun rise over the mountains while roosters sang its arrival, read a tattered Steinbeck novel from our rental, and swam in the sea for hours. It was exactly what I needed to shift out of my daily rhythm and ground my nervous system.
Even after returning to Seattle, I held onto that calmer pace. I started my mornings more slowly, spent extra time writing (with an actual pen on actual paper!), was more mindful in preparing my breakfast, and appreciated the little things I often take for granted—being able to drink the tap water was a big one. I felt more focused at work and spent less time scrolling on my phone.
I held this spaciousness for maybe three days before I slipped back into my more automatic rhythm—not that it's wrong or bad, but it doesn't always serve me. And because I rarely take the time to pause and look back at this automatic when I spend my day, I never reflect on how I might prefer it to go.
Habits, whether they move us toward the life we desire or away from it, are deeply rooted. And doing things differently, changing directions, or breaking up a habit takes effort.
Changing Directions
Good ol’ Isaac Newton taught us the following: "If a body is at rest or moving at a constant speed in a straight line, it will remain at rest or keep moving in a straight line at constant speed unless it is acted upon by a force." This is why so many of us resist changing directions, even when what we want most requires us to do so.
But first, we must pause. We must pause long enough to see that there is space to choose differently.
I am someone who knows the value of it well, yet I still struggle to take purposeful time to pause and reflect. I love carving out time for reflection when there’s a big transition (a new season, a new year, a new moon) but I don’t often make time for it daily.
Honestly, I’m likely to resist it. Especially when I’m in the mindset of ‘This is something I need to do. Having a reflective practice is good for me.’
When I view reflection as something I should do vs. something I want to do, it feels like an obligation that takes effort and time. It feels like a chore.
But when we don’t stop long enough to notice our cycles of overwhelm and reactivity, and reflect on how they impact us, we don’t have the information or motivation to change our trajectory. Or we’ll find ourselves holding onto frustration or judgment, and settling for a life that is fine.
Pausing helps us recognize patterns and opens up the possibility of intentional change. It’s not always about grand, sweeping life changes. Sometimes, it’s as simple as shifting how we spend our mornings or close out our workdays.
And these simple shifts can change the trajectory of our day and life.
Making Reflection a Practice
At the end of the day, reflection doesn’t need to be a formal exercise. It can be a quiet moment in your car after a meeting, a walk without your phone, or a few minutes looking out the window. It’s less about the form and more about creating space—without judgment—to acknowledge where you are and how you feel.
If you’re ready to make time for reflection, start small. Set aside just a few minutes at the end of your workday or before bed. Minimize distractions and create a few moments of space to reflect on the following questions:
What happened today?
How do I feel about it?
What went well? What could have gone differently?
What do I want to do differently? How can I practice this in a similar situation next time?
This practice of pausing and reflecting is the gentle force that can help us shift our paths toward a life that feels more thoughtful, connected, and satisfying.
Choosing What Comes Next
Pausing won’t make the next step easier, but it will give you a fighting chance at a life that is more than just fine. It’s a chance to slow down, connect with yourself, and move forward with intention.
So many of our actions and behaviors are automatic. When we don’t pause to look back at how we move through our days, we lose opportunities to gain insight and meaning from our actions and interactions. And, we miss out on opportunities to have it go differently the next time.
It all starts with slowing down long enough to break up the automatic. If the pause is what you need most, let that be enough for now. Permit yourself to slow down simply for the sake of it.
You get to choose what comes next.
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